


look how they shine for you.

by toffeelemon



Series: Crazy Rich Gaysians [1]
Category: Crazy Rich Asians (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Book: Crazy Rich Asians Trilogy, Canon - Book & Movie Combination, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Gaysians, bi astrid, crazy rich gaysians, gay nick, gay rachel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-05 02:03:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15853980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toffeelemon/pseuds/toffeelemon
Summary: Rachel went to Singapore only because she's a good gay best friend and Nick desperately needs her help. She definitely didn't mean to find love.





	look how they shine for you.

**Author's Note:**

> i don't even ship astrid/rachel but my gaysian ass was thirsting after astrid/gemma so hard i might as well write this self indulgent piece
> 
> ever since i read CRA i knew i wanted to write a gay version of it somehow: let's be honest rich asian families and their scandals? a gay story in the making  
> and then the film blessed us with obviously-gay-oliver and i knew i had to run with it ... maybe one day i'll give oliver a full story who knows
> 
> title from yellow because obvious movie references and double meanings, but also because i hilariously thought astrid meant stars
> 
> i dedicate this to all my other gaysian friends who were there for me when my family wasn't, who might be suffering or maybe not. here is the happy ever after we all deserve x

_ “Come with me to Singapore Rachel,” _ he said.  _ “It will be so much fun,” _ he said.

 

Rachel really shouldn’t have overlooked the  _ other part _ of their conversation, Nick’s words flying over her when she was too busy delving into that heavenly cheesecake.

 

“You  _ have  _ to come with me Rachel, I desperately need a fake girlfriend. Otherwise my family will drive me insane  _ and _ get me into an arranged marriage. You know what traditional Chinese families are like. Please, Rachel, if you ever wanna see me again. I could get killed, or worse - get grounded,” Nick’s puppy eyes are always difficult to ignore, even to Rachel, who is proudly immune to men’s bullshit. Well, mostly immune. She did feel insanely bad for Nick getting grounded as an almost 30 year old, and from she’s heard about his mother, she believes in a heartbeat that it is possible. Singapore sounds like so much fun as well - oh how naive Rachel had been.

 

Nicholas Young has been Rachel’s best friend for almost two years now - they met through the NYU LGBT academics networking event, and immediately bonded over mediocre college bar cocktails. Growing up, Rachel has never really been able to stick with Asian friends like all her first gen immigrant peers do - it’s a gay thing, she reasons to herself many years later - but Nick and her just flocked together like two magnets in the crowd. Nick is good looking with a killer charm - his accent so strikingly British - so attractively, stereotypically gay that he could almost pass as straight. They understood and relate to each other better than anyone else in the room could to them - everyone else just judges Rachel for still being mostly closeted over what they think is irrational fear, when women her age are happily dating each other, Rachel Chu only focused on overachieving so much until she was reasonably untouchable by men. Nick comes from a traditional family in Singapore, and only had his gay awakening after he “escaped” and went studying abroad - he too isn’t going to act on his sexuality anytime soon. They have a similar sense of humour, and Rachel loves nothing more than cynically commentating straight people whilst being closeted in paranoia with Nick - going on pho diner dates every other week to put up a straight facade for each other’s certain friends and relatives. So, Rachel and Nick always had each other’s back.

 

Until now - Rachel standing in a shiny gold dress that Peik Lin has forced her into, in the middle of Nick’s childhood home (read: the biggest fucking palace in Singapore), wanting to melt into the floor or maybe just make a scene and call this act off completely. Nick did say that he came from a traditional and constricting family, but he just failed to mention how they were the richest  _ in the country _ and also all his aunties and cousins happened to be bitchy snobs, all of them eyeing Rachel like goddamn vultures right now. (Not Nick’s cousin Astrid of course, Rachel has met her before, in New York, and practically worships her. Astrid is the coolest, classiest woman Rachel has ever seen in her life.) 

 

Rachel wonders if this was all worth it, covering Nick’s ass and getting attacked every other minute for being his apparent gold-digger girlfriend - she couldn’t rant to anyone about it and it was driving her crazy. Not even Peik Lin, her best friend - Rachel was too scared to come out to her when they were roommates and it just escalated and the lies went too deep for Rachel to backtrack on them. Peik Lin didn’t grow up in America, after all - Rachel is scared that she wouldn’t understand. So now she’s deep in this hellhole with the only other person who knows of the extent of it all, also of the mess that is her life - Nicholas Young, the apparent star of this shit show. Maybe she should stay as Nick’s make believe girlfriend and they should actually get married so she could scam him for his money like everyone said - it would be the only way to make it up to her right now. Rachel sighed and took a sip of expensive champagne out of an expensive crystal chute.

 

Rachel does feel bad for Nick a bit, in between all of her self pitying in the corner - it can’t be easy being gay, and also have all the pressure of being Nicholas Young, if he were as important as everyone in the room hyped him up to be. Rachel can imagine the elders of the family not being particularly happy if the heir to the biggest fortune of Singapore (Christ Rachel is still trying to process it) turns out to be 1) gay and not getting married to a woman and having kids anytime soon, and 2) what Rachel suspects to be a scandal in Chinese high society. Nick would be destroyed eventually - there doesn’t seem to be an easy way out. Rachel wonders if he would actually be grounded when that day comes, or would she be seeing him a lot more in New York after he gets disowned by the family. Behind all this high life, Nick is kind of doomed.

 

Nick apologises as he finally catches up with Rachel, handing her a new drink. She chugs it, unamused by the trap she was lead into. Nick shoots her a guilty look.

 

“Sorry  _ babe _ , I had to do it. Everyone’s out to get me with questions… Thank God Oliver is already the gay cousin so no one suspects a thing. There could only be one gay cousin per family right,” Nick has the audacity to lean in to kiss Rachel on the cheek, as if she would fall for his charms. Anything to fool the audience. She snorts, shoving him playfully.

 

“Oh trust me, I can tell,” she says conspiringly, eyes wandering to where Oliver is swaying together with Peik Lin in the middle of the dancefloor, embarrassing everyone (including themselves), the two having made fast friends over Rachel’s wardrobe malfunctions. “Poor thing though, is that why he doesn’t really stand a chance in y'all's money games?” 

 

“Hmm, I guess,” Nick says, getting lost in his thoughts. “He’s more of a distant cousin anyway. But yeah, the gay thing really was the nail in the coffin. Rumour has it he’s not even mentioned in the will at all.”

 

“Do you think you would ever come out then?” Rachel whispers, ruffling Nick’s hair as she spots his mum catching sight of them, just to piss her off. Rachel finds it endlessly amusing how untalented she was at impressing a guy’s parents - it’s almost like she is destined to be a lesbian. Nick scrunches his eyes up in a slightly pained expression at the thought.

 

“Not before you,” he retaliated, half taunting her, before pulling Rachel to the garden where everyone has started to gather. “Ladies first.”

 

-

 

Rachel has a line, and it was pretty low - but somehow these bratty girls crossed it anyway. If she only had a private jet, or a yacht, or maybe wings - she would have left this cursed island in a heartbeat. It isn’t even about protecting Nick’s cover anymore, Amanda was attacking Rachel’s dignity and she had absolutely enough of everyone she has met so far looking down on her like she’s not worthy of existing in their world. Nick’s ex is certainly something - Rachel wonders if he ever had sex with that thing. The visual image makes her want to puke. 

 

She runs into Astrid on the way out, before Amanda could see her pathetic tears -  _ great _ , Rachel thought, maybe Astrid could take her away on  _ her _ private jet. But Astrid only persuaded her to go back to Rachel’s room to calm down, with the promise of room service and a bottle of  _ Dom Perignon _ \- who was Rachel to refuse (also Astrid’s perfect French pronunciation is very convincing). 

 

That is the exact, pinpointed moment when Rachel truly had enough and lost her shit - her room is trashed with a fucking bloody fish in her bed. 

 

Rachel refuses to make a scene - “What am I gonna let them think, that I’m a scared little girl? NO!” - and so here she is, with Astrid Leong: probably the most influential woman of her age in Singapore, wrapping up a dead fish with a bundle of luxury towels. Rachel is impressed that Astrid doesn’t hesitate at all to stay and help the poor ABC girl who stumbled into their dangerous glamourous world, to be honest - she is still wearing her Valentino slippers as the two of them hauled the fish out onto the beach and dug a hole to stick it into. 

 

“Dig one for me to bury myself into too,” Rachel had wanted to joke, but she figured Astrid wouldn’t appreciate her dark humour. Rachel can’t imagine what worse than a dead fish can Nick be served if he were ever to come out to his family. For a split second she was so glad that her family only consisted of her, and her mum. Big families doesn’t seem like her thing.

 

“Hey, are you okay?” Rachel asks once she has gotten out of her head, noticing that Astrid was being forlornly quiet beside her. Astrid scoots closer to Rachel on the sand, arms wrapping around her knees in a vulnerable stance in response. Rachel notes that she smells expensive and sophisticated - like walking into the first floor of Macy’s.

 

“Actually, no. Michael is… having an affair,” Astrid states coldly, possibly choking on tears but mostly just defeated. Rachel gasps. It’s unbelievable that anyone in their right mind would ever cheat on someone as perfect as Astrid - it’s like the news of Beyonce getting cheated on. Damn Nick’s complicated crazy rich family and their problematic politics. She supposes that men are trash. Rachel says that out loud and Astrid lets out a small laugh.

 

“You deserve so much better, Astrid,” Rachel proclaims, reaching an arm around them to pull Astrid closer. She hardly protests, moving in to rest her head on Rachel’s shoulder. They stay like that for a while, watching the stars in the clear sky above them and listening to the waves swishing back and forth in silence. Astrid slowly lifts her head, turning to look at Rachel, who was grinning at her innocently in what she hopes is an encouraging manner.

 

“I know,” Astrid smirks lightly, staring at Rachel for a moment, before leaning in to kiss her. 

 

Rachel freezes, shutting her eyes in panic - Fuck Fuck Fuck her goddess is  _ kissing _ her - before leaning back into the kiss, hand trailing up into Astrid’s curls. Her hair is as soft as it looks. When they pull apart, Rachel stares at Astrid, bewildered. She decides that her suffering in her pathetic gay life so far has been single handedly redeemed by this moment. Astrid only chuckles as she fondly tucks Rachel’s hair behind her ear. 

 

“Come on, let’s go inside - we never got to that bottle of  _ Dom _ , and there’s eyes here,” she gestures towards the party behind them. Rachel dazedly follows.

 

“First things first, just to make it clear - me and Nick isn’t a thing, I’m just here to get him off your crazy family’s back or whatever,” Rachel rushes to explain, once their laksa has arrived and the champagne has been popped. Her mind is still running miles per hour from what has just happened. Astrid licks her fingers, looking hardly surprised at all.

 

“Oh, I always knew about Nicky. We were in university together - my last year when it was his first. I saw him on a date with a white boy once - he doesn’t know, of course. And I didn’t tell, of course. It’s not my secret to tell,” Astrid shrugs, taking a sip of champagne from the bottle. Rachel rolls her eyes at Nick, although he wasn’t here - that boy really needs more finesse if he doesn’t want to be hunted by his less savory family members. 

 

“What about you? Michael? Is that all a smokescreen…” Rachel asks curiously. She wouldn’t put it past people like Nick and Astrid to do that - after all Singapore is small and everyone had their eyes on them and their money. Astrid shakes her head, offended at Rachel’s theory.

 

“I think of myself as … a freewheeling bisexual,” Astrid laughs, raising the bottle to Rachel in a salute. “No, I think I was in love with him once, or at least I tried to be. But of course I have been with girls as well. My first was a pretty Parisian girl - how else was I ever going to get over the love of my life dumping me in front of the Eiffel Tower?”

 

“The love of your life?” Rachel pulls a puzzled expression, almost not surprised by how much of a Casanova Astrid appears to be - after all, she’s beautiful, she’s rich, she’s intriguing. Who wouldn’t get caught up with such a girl. She feels a bit silly for being Astrid’s next conquest.

 

“Nick didn’t tell you? When I was sixteen I ran away with my high school boyfriend to London, it was the scandal of the century… Well I supposed I  _ thought _ that he was the love my life back then, back when I thought I could have everything in the world - except love,” Astrid deadpans, shaking her head at her teenage antics.

 

“Paris? Astrid Leong, you are an enigma…” Rachel smiles wickedly into the kiss, falling into the bed with Astrid.

 

-

 

The wedding is breathtaking, all the phenomenal glamour aside. Weddings like this always made Rachel cry - sometimes she cries because love is beautiful and maybe not as terrible as she tries to believe it to be, but most of the time she cries (especially when she’s with her mum) because deep down she has accepted that she could never have that, and she would be disappointing her mum who always wanted to see Rachel walk down the aisle one day. But today, Rachel is maybe just a tad bit hopeful, as she makes eye contact with Astrid, who walks down the aisle linking arms with her Ah Poh, stealing all the attention in the room as always. Rachel realises much later how smart of a move it was - everyone couldn’t care less that Michael was suspiciously absent from Astrid’s side.

 

The banquet is held at fucking Gardens by the Bay (of course it is), and it’s boiling hot so they were all kept cool by these massive ridiculously high tech fans, but the food is amazing (despite bearing some disturbing fusion names) so Rachel doesn’t complain. She dances with Nick for a bit, just to keep up with appearances, but eventually he disappears to do a round tables tour as per his mother’s request, so she could brag about her son’s glorious return. Rachel abuses the open bar, then cruises the deck, clearly bored. She finds Astrid at a secluded corner of the balcony, already resorting to whiskey for the night. As always, Astrid dresses to impress and is always the focus of the room wherever she goes - she is still in the pink dress from during the day, but with her hair down and some new jewellery, the look is all anew again. Rachel can’t help herself but whistle, clinking Astrid’s glass as she joined her on the balcony. Singapore twinkles at them down below, a pretty parallel to Astrid’s diamonds.

 

“Michael and I are having a divorce, it’s happening,” Astrid says plainly, staring out onto the city. “Obviously, I’m taking Cassian. We always need to count our small victories.”

 

“So… what’s next? It will be another scandal in your world, right? Will you be okay?” Rachel asks, concerned. She is truly terrified of Nick’s gossiping aunties, and although Astrid seems to be above these petty people, even Astrid is only human. 

 

“I’m thinking of moving to New York with Cassian, actually. Just to get away from it all, at least for a while. I have an apartment in Brooklyn, anyway,” Astrid smiles at the prospect of actually escaping the chains that she has been born with, to start afresh somewhere no one knows her. Well, almost no one. Rachel’s heart stutters at the news, at the implication of what living in the same city as Astrid would mean. She hasn’t thought much about whatever is happening between her and Astrid, about the kiss, about that spark they shared on the beach that night - whatever it was, Rachel thought that it was just a fling, that they would forget about it and Rachel would fly back to New York and perhaps they would barely see each other again. But apparently not: the possibilities are so tangible and real for the first time in Rachel’s life. It’s exciting, and terrifying.

 

“Will I… will I see you again then?” Rachel asks smally, lips quivering between her teeth. Astrid inches closer, eyes sparkling. 

 

“Yeah, I’d like that,” is what Astrid whispered, before glancing at Rachel’s lips and closing in. It’s as magical as the first time - Rachel closes her eyes and she sees stars.

 

-

 

In the end, Rachel goes back to New York without Nick, leaving him behind, grounded at home. She feels terrible, but there was nothing she could do. His mother has blown everything up, finally exposing all the grudges she has been holding against Nick - he’s reluctance to return home and care about the family business, his American accent (honestly what is wrong with middle aged rich Singaporeans), and most recently, his terrible girlfriend - Nick ended up having to stage a breakup with Rachel and take up a job with his dad, just to calm everyone’s temper. Rachel barely minded, it was all she could do for poor Nick who was trapped in this suffocating kingdom. Although she is definitely going to miss her best friend without him around.

 

Life goes on after spring break, with a Nicholas-shaped gap in Rachel’s life.  Astrid arrives to the country with her son, inviting Rachel to a housewarming party, and so Rachel doesn’t feel so lonely anymore. Cassian settles in surprisingly well, in an elite elementary school downtown, and Astrid continues her exciting lifestyle of shopping and trying out overpriced food, like nothing wrong has ever happened. Sometimes Rachel join in.

 

Rachel goes on a couple of somewhat dates with Astrid, friendly but always adorned with a few stolen kisses that leave Rachel dizzy afterwards, and one night out when Cassian was at a sleepover, it dangerously almost lead to something more. Rachel’s equal parts excited and terrified at the prospect of their casual hanging out sessions being something more - but also, she’s more than content so stay as they are. So neither of them speak a word of it.

 

-

 

Nick surprises Rachel at the doorstep of her apartment one day in summer, looking the least put together he’s ever been (and that’s saying something, considering Nick’s days of playing basketball in YMCA with a holed T-shirt on.) Nick is a mess - he finally came out to his family, having been repressed enough in that crazy pressure cooker that was the Young household, and the entire nation of Singapore did not take it well, to say the least. His grandma is considering taking him out of their trust fund entirely - that would mean Nick living on nothing from his family in the near future - and obviously, his throne title of being the only male heir to the Young name has been stripped immediately. His mother is disappointed, not only because her only son is gay, but also that all her efforts at approaching the centre of power via Singapore’s richest woman’s favourite grandson has turned to dust. Nick has nothing left, so he fled to the only other home he’s ever known - New York City. Rachel accepts him with wide arms and maybe just a slightly broken heart - Nick deserves so much better.

 

He spent several months in Rachel’s apartment, not doing much except wallowing in self pity and getting fed by Rachel and Astrid in turn, but eventually Nick got himself back together. He finds another job at the university again, moves into a place of his own, and even starts dating. He might not be an Asian prince in disguise anymore, but at least he is happy - Rachel is so glad that their crazy days in Singapore are finally behind them, and she gets her best friend back.

 

-

 

Rachel didn’t see it coming at all. It was a totally uneventful day at work, her having just given a lecture in which hardly any of the students paid attention in, as usual, when Astrid turns up at the end of the lecture hall, eye catching as always in a white and blue sundress, and a bouquet of red roses cradled in the nook of her elbow. Rachel blushes spectacularly as she shooed Astrid outside, ignoring her students’ uproars. They don’t stop walking until Rachel sat them down in the middle of Washington Square Park, complaining lightly despite the bright smile on her face.

 

“Rachel, have you ever thought about where this is going? This as in… us?” Astrid asks seriously, once she’s settled the roses in Rachel’s lap. Rachel blinks up at her, mouth suddenly dry.

 

“Uh… only like, every day,” Rachel chuckles nervously, eyes fleeting around, heartbeat picking up. She wonders where  _ this conversation _ is going.

 

“I want us to be serious. I… have been thinking about it, and I really like you, Rachel. I want  _ this _ ,” Astrid grabs Rachel’s palms in hers, squeezing firmly. Rachel is about to burst into tears in public - she never thought she could have something like this. She was so content to stay alone for the rest of her life, until Astrid waltzed into her life.

 

“But, what about your family? Are you sure? Imagine the tabloid headlines, Astrid.  _ ABC girlfriend who turned Nicholas Young gay now turns Astrid Leong gay! _ ” Rachel argues hysterically, refusing to believe that something good could ever happen to her. There has to be a catch. It’s definitely better to show Astrid her way out now before it’s too late and they inflict further damage on themselves. Astrid shakes her head in determination, reaching up to gently brush Rachel’s tears away.

 

“To hell with the tabloids, Rachel. To hell with Singapore. I’m never going back, my life is here now,” Astrid stares at Rachel intensely.  _ You are my life now _ , she doesn’t say.

 

“So what if they pull me out of the trust fund, take my money away… I still have my properties, those were always in my name. And Michael is still paying for Cassian, it’s his responsibility as much as mine… 

 

I have a law degree from Oxford, for Christ’s sake! I’m not going to starve without my goddamn family. My family, the riches, the comfort… it has made me weak. But you,” Astrid pants, making sure to get her point across loud and clear, “You make me want to be strong again, Rachel Chu.”

 

“...Don’t go bragging on me, Oxford graduate,” Rachel laughs breathlessly a moment later, lost for words after Astrid’s grand monologue. She replies in the only way she knows, with comedy.

 

“I have a fucking PhD, so get in line.” 

 

Astrid stares at her, momentarily shocked at Rachel suddenly breaking the atmosphere, before joining in on the giggles. Astrid doesn’t remember being this carefree and happy in a very long time.

 

“I love you and your _ fucking PhD _ ,” Astrid echoed, smacking Rachel lightly on the shoulder, looking so smitten like she is sixteen again. Rachel, in turn, is scandalised by hearing Astrid swear in that proper Queen’s English accent of hers.

 

“Astrid Leong, did you just say  _ fuck,  _ I cannot believe… ” Rachel freezes as she ran over Astrid’s words again, belatedly registering what she had just heard - the dreaded word that Rachel has learned to never hope for in her life. 

 

“...Wait what did you say again?” Rachel asks timidly, not believing her ears. Astrid’s laughs die in her throat, her expression suddenly somber as she turned towards Rachel.

 

“I love you, Rachel Chu.”

 

-

 

They make out in the middle of Washington Square Park, until a perverted man whistles at them from a distance. Rachel throws her bouquet at him, and it lands square on his face, red petals flying everywhere. They laugh, and run to jump into a taxi, before they get into serious trouble.

 

“I love you too, Astrid.”

 

-

 

Rachel is so glad that she had agreed to go to Singapore as Nick’s fake girlfriend, that fateful spring break.

 

**Author's Note:**

> oversharing author's commentary:
> 
> 1)being gaysian is truly that hard to connect with people because you don't want to get close to people from your background and have the whole village know but also the typical white gay doesn't get your family-closet-paranoia complexes
> 
> 2)asian families could totally disown you for being gay i'm only slightly exaggerating. don't worry shit happens it's still not the end of the world!! - actually no, the more asian thing to do is to totally ignore your coming out, your s/o, and keep forcing you on dates/ an arranged marriage lmao
> 
> 3)astrid's law degree from oxford is a homage to gemma chan's, you guessed it, actual fucking law degree from oxford what a queen
> 
> 4)i don't know what gardens by the bay looks like but i put fans in because having a banquet outside in sg's heat is just ridiculous
> 
> 5)rachel's hate for weddings? totally self indulgence
> 
> 6)i took the liberty to call nick’s ah mah astrid’s ah poh because it’s more accurate. she’s actually astrid’s maternal grandma so
> 
> this is only my second attempt at f/f i'm sorry if the action is not to par! i try my best


End file.
